Lance Destroys the Castle (Almost)
by WhenISayVolYouSayTron
Summary: Isn't it ironic that the leg of the legendary Voltron can't squish a spider? Voltron One-Shot. OC/Cyd


**Author's Note:** _I came up with this weird little idea when I was reading my biology (it was about bugs and spiders, haha), and I thought it would be a cute little one shot to spend an hour or so on and upload as a sort of filler. Also, as this is going up on Valentine's Day, Happy Valentine's Day! I'll probably upload a little on my fanfiction, Valentine's Day, for obvious reasons, so check that out if you haven't. It's OC Insert Voltron fanfiction as well._

It all went downhill when Lance threw a vase on the ground.

Now don't get me wrong, Lance doesn't normally go around smashing vases whenever he wants. In fact, contrary to what the other's believed, I find him to be pretty good company. When you can actually get him to shut up, that is.

It's so hard to find casual days around the castle, but that day happened to just work for everyone. Pidge was in her laboratory doing God knows what, Keith was training; Shiro was somewhere probably doing something overly productive, and I would bet ten bucks that Hunk was in the kitchen.

"Hey Cyd. Do you ever wonder if the Lions will come to life in our sleep and kill us all?" Lance asked suddenly from the other side of the couch, where he was hanging upside down, his head resting on the ground and his feet sticking up in the air.

I looked up from my book. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged. Or at least, I think he did. I couldn't really tell from this angle. "You know, because they're all magical and stuff. They could just wake up without warning and become bloodthirsty."

I frowned at him. "I have no idea what gave you that idea, but it honestly worries me."

"You'll thank me when I save all of us from a Lion attack."

"You're insane." I muttered, returning to my book. I could hear him struggling to return upright, and there was a slight crash as he tumbled to the ground.

It was quiet for a couple seconds, until he gave an abnormally ladylike shriek, jumping back up on the couch. " _Holy crap."_

I slammed my book down. "What could it be _now?_ " I snapped, my patience wearing thin. He gave me a wide-eyed glance and frantically pointed to the ground. "I can't read minds, Lance."

"There is this really huge spider down there. Like really huge." He insisted and I raised an eyebrow. " _I'm serious go look that thing is like the size of my head."_

I pulled my hair back from my face and dipped down to glance under the couch. Eight bright eyes stared back at me, much larger than anything I had ever seen on earth, and I quickly popped back up. "Your _head?_ Try your ego!" I snapped.

"Hardy har har." Lance whimpered, already crawling on the back of the couch like a cat. "If you're so casual about this, _you_ kill it."

"Me?" I gasped. " _You're_ the paladin of Voltron! You kill it. I'm not getting anywhere _near_ that thing."

Lance stuck his tongue out at me. "I'm the leg of Voltron, not the whole thing."

"Leg's are thing things that squish spiders, idiot."

"Idiot? Well, you're the…not…smart person." He grumbled, hanging onto the back of the couch like a lifeline.

I pulled my legs up. "We need Shiro."

Lance nodded vigorously. "Yes, please. Call your strong leader boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes. "He's not my _boyfriend-"_

There was a small knock on the doorway and Keith appeared. I shot Lance a pointed look, coughing a little, and he glared at me. " _He's not my boyfriend!"_ Lance mocked in high falsetto.

"What are you two doing?" Keith asked, looking a little concerned, and slightly frightened by Lance's joke.

"A cutthroat game of 'Don't Touch The Lava.'" I replied sarcastically.

"Sounds fascinating." Keith muttered, stepping inside the room. Lance screamed and Keith paused, picking his foot back up. Lance watched carefully as Keith placed it back down, and as soon as his shoe made contact with the ground, Lance screamed again.

I grabbed a pillow, threatening Lance with it. "Shut up! I don't want to die with your screams in the background."

"Die?" Keith repeated, sounding more concerned by the minute. I'm sure Lance's girly screams weren't exactly helping with that either.

"We need you to get Shiro." I instructed.

Lance frantically pointed under the couch. "There's this huge spider-"

"It's like, the size of Lance's love for himself." I added and Lance gasped in indignation.

Keith nodded seriously. "Oh, so it's always growing."

I snickered and Lance looked like he was about to kill us both.

"Come see the spider for yourself if you think you're so funny, mullet boy."

Keith chuckled, stalking over and squatting down next to the couch. "It's not that big of a- _holy quiznak."_

He gave a small squeak and pushed me out of the way, jumping up onto the couch.

"Told you so." Lance said arrogantly.

"Wait, no, Keith, get off the couch and go get Shiro." I scolded, pushing his shoulder.

Keith's mouth dropped open. "No way! I'm not going back down on the floor with that thing ready attack." He cried.

I groaned. "We're doomed."

"This will be how we all die." Lance agreed.

"Why do I have to die with you two idiots?" I muttered, shaking my head and pinching the bridge of my nose.

Lance held up a finger. "Who votes that we eat her first when we're out of food rations?"

I shrugged. "Well, we can't eat Keith. He's too salty."

Lance wheezed and Keith shot me a glare. "I hate you."

"How long do you think it will take Shiro to realize we're on the verge of death?" Lance asked offhandedly.

"Maybe he has superhuman senses for when Cyd's in danger." Keith mumbled, smirking.

I gave him a sarcastic smile. "Since I'm normally on the verge of death whenever I'm around him, I'm sure he doesn't notice anything different."

Lance groaned. "Next time I get trapped on a couch with two people, I hope their jokes are somewhat decent."

~?~

"How long have we been here?" Lance groaned, still in his position on the back of the couch.

I started my thirtieth game of rock, paper, scissors with Keith and shrugged. "Couple hours?"

"Don't you think that's a little excessive?" Keith asked, his paper covering my rock.

"You go kill it then, stupid." Lance muttered sarcastically.

"Point taken."

There was a little scuffle under the couch and Lance grabbed a vase from the table a couple feet away. The scuffle was followed by a small squeak and Lance screamed, smashing the vase on the ground, startling Keith, who fell backwards.

"What was that sound?" Someone asked and we all stared at the doorway.

Shiro stood there, almost taking up the entire threshold, looking completely confused.

" _SHIRO."_ We all cried in unison, and Lance sighed in relief.

"Um, yeah?" Shiro shrugged. "Did you guys need me for something?

Just then, something emerged from under the couch and Lance screamed for what seemed like the millionth time.

Keith moaned loudly. "Lance _shut up._ It's just the space mice."

I paused. "Wait, space mice?"

We all went silent, and suddenly Keith cursed loudly. " _I was stuck on a couch for two hours with you two because of_ _space mice_ _?!"_

"What the heck, Lance?" I snapped, pulling myself up off of the couch. Keith pushed Lance off the back of the couch and he fell with a cry.

Shiro shrugged. "I'm still confused."

 _Alternate Ending_

"So let me get this straight. You guys thought the space mice were a giant spider?" Shiro clarified.

"I didn't saw it was _smart."_ I muttered.

Shiro smiled a little. "Well obviously it wasn't. Lance was the one who started it."

 _"Hey!_ I _heard_ that!"


End file.
